The news is not good...

I was scheduled for my 10 week appointment which is considered the first official prenatal visit. I had a feeling that I had miscarried but wanted to get the confirmation from my doctor. Deep down I had wished that my doctor would tell me that the baby's heartbeat sounded great and everything was on schedule!
The night before was probably the worst day of my life. There are no feelings that I could describe that would convey the pain that I went through. It started at 7pm and I had so much pressure pushing down on my pelvic bone. I couldn't leave the bathroom. Thirty minutes later when I thought that I was done with the bathroom I would turn right around and go back. I had mixed thoughts... I didn't want to make myself believe that I was going through a miscarriage.... Thirty minutes goes by... I hoped that it was because I had major constipation and cramps and that if I went I would be over... Another thirty minutes went by and the pain just got worse. I tried really hard to go and a gush of blood came out along with multiple blood clots and what seemed to be a shriveled mini cucumber (the placenta). The pain immediately went away and was as though nothing had ever happened but my heart sank... I was in complete shock and there were so many things that fluttered through my head. This can't be it... maybe there's still something inside me... was it a twin...?
I went to my scheduled appointment the next day and then it was confirmed... I did have a miscarriage and tears just started coming out. I was filled with so much emotion... sad, mad, upset, jealous, anxious..... Sad because this was supposed to be happy times, mad because this was not supposed to happen to me, upset because I really wanted this, jealous because everyone around me are having babies with no troubles of conceiving or was unplanned, anxious because I want to start a family.....
I had gone through a "natural miscarriage" where the placenta makes it out on its own without any medical attention. In some cases if a miscarriage occurs and the uterus needs to be cleaned out a surgical procedure would have to be performed called D&C (dilation & curettage). Dilation is the opening of the cervix and curettage is the cleaning of the uterus.
Hopefully all of the contents naturally pass on it's own and that I make a natural recovery. I had to schedule an ultra sound to make sure that everything is cleared out...

More scares... (tmi)

I had the reassurance that I needed by going to see the doctor about my spotting. I didn't get a phone call from them which is a good thing because a call would raise a level of concern. Since then the color of my spotting was pinkish-red (02.21.11) and partly brown. This would occur off and on. I've read other blogs and other mommy to be's said that they too went to the doctor's and then leaving to know that their baby still had a healthy heartbeat. I probably should have called to just make that appointment to come in but it wasn't even a week since I last saw them. So I waited and it did get better. On 02.26.11, I passed a blood clot the size of a nickel. Once again the ladies on the forums had mentioned a similar story about blood clots, some much larger then mine and still had healthy heartbeats as their result after visiting the doctor so that put me at ease. The spotting seems to be a normal thing for me but how am I supposed to know? I see my Doctor for my scheduled 10 week appointment coming up on 03.04.11 so I think I can hold on till then. It's only a few more days. Hopefully I will get that reassurance from them that I have a healthy beating heart! I seem to need confirmation everyday because my fear of miscarriage is putting so much weight on my shoulders.....

I had to do it......

Everyone tells me that I'm lucky to not have any pregnancy syptoms but they just don't know how scary it is to not have that feeling that you are pregnant. No morning sickness, no cravings, no sensitive smells, etc.
I pee'd on a stick because I was so curious...
Still had two lines!

A little scare...(tmi)

I never experienced any spotting before I had my ultrasound and then noticed that after a few days I started getting brown spots. I let it go for a few days thinking that my cervix was irritated by the camera from the transvaginal ultrasound. I really thought that it would clear up and it would stop on it's own but in reality it did not. I scheduled an impromptu doctor's appointment ,2.17.11, for 4pm and was able to see a nurse. My Dr had already left for the day. She was going to give me a doppler reading to hear the heart beat but then said that I wouldn't hear anything because I was still too early. She took a cotton swab sample of my cervix and the swab showed a light brown color. She, "Sue", said that this is a good sign because brown equals old blood. If it was red then that might raise a level of concern. I then got to give 10 vials of blood for regular procedure for pregnancy and scheduled for my 10 week appointment and my NT for Down Syndrome at the Hospital. All so overwhelming because I really just came in to make sure that everything was alright. It had to be done.

Ultra Sound for the size and date...

Well I got the ok to get my ultra sound and I had my husband come with me for that extra support. They wanted me to come in with a full bladder so they said to drink at least 32 oz of water and not relive myself. It's supposed to help view the embryo clearly. I had two types of procedures done...(Maybe too much information)... a trans abdominal ultrasound where they place gel on your abdoman and view the baby through the monitor and than transvaginally where they stick a camera in your (you know where). This is supposed to get a closer look since the baby is still too small. I had thought I was 10 weeks but the nurse technician said that the baby measured at 7weeks and 3 days. The heartbeat was beating so fast at a rate of 169 heartbeats per minute which they say is completely normal. I was able to bring home my ultrasound snapshots and my husband filmed the heartbeat. It was a successful trip!

What is best......

So I come home from work and my husband tells me that he has some gossip! I love gossip and I asked who is involved... He told me him and his mother.... uh oh...
My husband called his mother for a friendly hello and to see how things are going. She asked him how I was feeling and he said that we were going to schedule for our first ultrasound next week. Exciting times! She started lecturing him that we shouldn't be going to the doctor's office so much. That they just want your money. My husband was trying to explain to her that his company has good coverage and that should not be a problem. She then continued to tell him that we should probably see the doctor when I'm about 4 month in and at that point once a month. Let's see... My doctor told me to schedule for my first ultrasound to hear the first heartbeat and my mother in law is saying that it's too early and that I shouldn't go.... Which advice would you follow? My Doctor of course! She grew up in another country with little medical attention and where money was very tight. She said that she had three kids with no problem. Well that is great news but that would not stop me from following doctor's orders. All she seemed to care about was the money issue for the medical insurance. She told her son if you run out of money by the time you have your baby don't try to ask her for any. Like we were going to anyway. For one, we will not need it because we have great coverage and two, I would never go to them for money even if I was to the last dime. She hung up on my husband before they were done talking because she was so heated. She wouldn't pick up the phone when he tried to call back. All because I was seeing the doctor more then she thought necessary. First baby for me and first grandbaby in the family! You would think that there would be more support then this!

HCG/ Beta levels.....

So I got my results from the 4th blood test on took on 01/27/11.... They told me that the levels are good and that it was 4420. They still wanted me to get another blood test. The fifth one! I was curious why they wanted the fifth draw because they told me it's ok to schedule for an Ultra sound this week. Well I went in on Monday, 01/31/11 for a blood draw and got the results which was at 7172. Which they said that the levels were great! Ultra sound here we go.......