Wednesday, December 28, 2011

My decision.....

I'm at the point where I will have to decide if I want to do a screening for Down Syndrome... This is an optional testing that is done around the 10th-11th week of pregnancy. I've gone back and forth in my mind to opt out of the testing. I've always thought to myself that this test would cause me unnecessary stress for the remaining of my pregnancy. But then I was inspired by a fellow blogger and her story with her second baby with Down Syndrome... It's a precious life....
I am going through with the test and will let my Dr know on my next appointment on January 11th.


I can not take credit for this poem but had to post it because of how it has touched me...

In my fantasy I see a just world,
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty.
I dream of souls that are always free
Like the clouds that float
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.

In my fantasy I see a bright world,
Where each night there is less darkness.
I dream of spirits that are always free,
Like the clouds that float.

In my fantasy exists a warm wind,
That blows into the city, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the clouds that float
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Having second thoughts about my Dr.

Well I had my Ultrasound on 12.17.11 at a medical imagery lab to date the pregnancy. My DH went with me so that we can see the bean. I optioned out of the trans vaginal ultrasound because of the fear that the same thing would happen from the previous pregnancy/loss. Even though doing a trans vaginal would not cause any harm to the embryo the thought that I was spotting afterwards was horrible enough to try to react the moment. So we had the trans abdominal ultrasound and found the heart beat! The bean's heartbeat was 158 bpm and measured at 6 weeks 5 days... My DH was so excited that he walked up closer to the monitor to see it beat and the Tech ask for him to sit back down. He was taken back and said "... excuse me?" She said that he need to sit back down because she didn't like people looking over her shoulder. I think I got a bad tech that day because from the past experiences at that place and had great experiences... It's a shame that our happy moment was spoiled by this visit. She had also said that they do not let us hear the heartbeat.... I asked if it was because it was too early and she responded back by saying that it was a lawsuit issue and that they do not let clients hear the heartbeat at any stage.... REALLY!

So on 12.21.11, I had an appointment with my Dr to talk about the results and after waiting in the waiting room for one hour and a half I get called to the back and have my weight measured and the nurse asked me what I was in for... asked when my last menstrual cycle was... didn't take my blood pressure... Mind you that this is my fourth visit and I felt like this was my first visit... I waited again for 20 min for my Dr to come in without any of my records and looked tired and said in a laid back tone... "well... everything looks good...." long pause... I had to ask questions to proceed like how was the ultrasound results and he had to leave the room to get the records..... Then I asked what the next step was.... it was a bit frustrating but I guess for some they like that laid back type of Dr's... I just hate starting over trying to find "the" Dr but I will have to if I don't feel the connection.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Betas are looking pretty good....

To much relief my numbers are looking pretty good. They say that the beta result should double every 48 hours....
So a recap of my beta numbers are:
11.28.11 = beta: 76 / progesterone: 20 (about 13 dpo)
12.02.11 = beta: 415 (about 17 dpo)
12.06.11 = beta: 2349 (about 21 dpo)
12.12.11 = beta: 20,012 / progesterone: 18.1 (about 27 dpo)

I have a scheduled blood work for progesterone result today so hopefully that number stays were it needs to. I'm still not out of the deep waters yet but I feel like I'm swimming closer to shore. I have an Ultrasound scheduled for this Friday to date the pregnancy. For some reason I fell like it's too early for that because I figure I'm at about 6 weeks today....Friday I would be 6 weeks and 5 days.... My SIL had her Ultrasound when she was about 9 weeks... I'm guessing that it would be best to find out early but with my last loss I started spotting a few days after the ultrasound which led to my miscarriage.... I know people say that the ultrasound should not effect the baby but I'm so nervous if this will happen again... I would be so upset.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Please let this be my Christmas miracle!

My feelings all so mixed with fear and excitement. I'm wishing that this will be my christmas miracle. I tested on an ovulation prediction kit by clearblue on November 14, monday, and it came up positive for possible ovulation in the next 24-48 hours. I made sure that I covered my basis as far a baby dancing goes, drank Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (good for strengthening the uterus lining), drank Chojoto tea (good for infertility), ate foods that would enhance progesterone, took calcium chews, and took my prenatal vitamins. I could only wish that all my efforts would pay off. Don't you know that on November 27, 2011, Sunday, I found out on my First Response pregnancy stick that there were two dark lines.... Yes... two lines make a Positve!
I was so excited and went in on Monday for my bloodwork for my beta and progesterone levels. Made the appointment to see my Dr for Wednesday but he was booked so I then made the appointment to see the Midwife instead. I wanted to go in as soon as possible to make sure that I can ensure a healthy pregnancy. The midwife, Shirley, saw my results from the bloodwork and didn't seem impressed with the numbers. She said that my progesterone was 20 which was good but my Beta level was too low from now to the time of my last cycle (10.26.11). At 4.5 weeks I had a beta level of 76. In a way she was telling me that this was not a viable pregnancy and even though the "stick" showed positive the bloodwork numbers were too low... So she tells me. My heart dropped and my excitement turned to saddness... But how could she have known just by looking at the first set of betas? I have go in for more bloodwork Friday and then again on Tuesday and then make an appointment to get my results. I'm hoping that this number doubles the way that it's supposed to. They say that your Betas are supposed to double every 48 hours. I guess it may have been standard policy for her to say "if you start bleeding... you will need to go in to the emergency room". Like that was supposed to make me feel any better leaving the office. Please Let This Be My Christmas Miracle!